Here’s What You Do If You Win The Mega Millions

The Mega Millions jackpot for tonight is more than $1 billion. Here’s what you should do if you overcome all odds and succeed in doing the impossible… Ya know like actually winning.


Don’t Lose it:

1. Store the ticket securely. The winning ticket should be duplicated, and our friend Jake at State Farm Insurance says, you keep the original in a safe or bank deposit box.  You don’t want to lose it. That ticket will buy a lot of khaki pants.  Also, before you slap your John hancock on the ticket, make sure you check the rules because they may affect your ability to stay anonymous. And trust me. You WANT to fly under the radar.

Bye Felicia:

2. Be prepared to ghost everyone. Change your phone number and move. You’ll be shocked by how many people come out of the woodwork looking for you… or your money.

Don’t be Stupid:

3. Seek out expert counsel. Creating a team of financial experts as soon as possible. You might have seen those shows where someone wins the lotto and in 2 years they are broke because they spent their money like drunken Nic Cage at an auction house. Don’t do that. Get a good financial adviser.

Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid:

4. Avoid deciding anything important. Other than changing your identity, figuring out which remote island you will be building your secure compound on, or what color cloak you’ll wear when you finally join the Illuminati.

It will be quite alluring to make a significant buy or indulge in things like adrenochrome like the rest of the billionaire elites. Just try to remember where you came from.

Then again. Who cares? You’re RICH B****!!!


Lotto Fever: