Here’s the Truth About Mountain Dew’s Fruitcake Quake…

The most disgusting food ever created is fruitcake. Oh yes, The holiday tradition. Nothing says I hate you, or your hard work than the gifting of a fruitcake. If you were to ask me what’s in fruitcake? My guess would be fruit. Then again, Who knows?!

I enjoy fruit pies, fruit newtons, and fruit candies. Hell, there are not a lot of Fruit products that I don’t enjoy. I’ve even been known to chew some juicy fruit or fruit stripe gum from time to time. But I can tell you this, and it’s as sure as death and taxes… Fruitcake is the most disgusting food to touch your lips. EVER.

I would rather eat a handful of glass and wash it down with a bottle of rubbing alcohol than eat another fruitcake. This is why it came as a surprise to me when I found out that our friends at Mountain Dew thought it would be a good idea to release fruitcake Mountain Dew.

Drinkable Fruitcake:

Umm… Do you want us to drink Fruitcake?! Perhaps it is a sign of the coming apocalypse. Maybe pestilence will be let loose onto the world in the form of liquid fruitcakes?

I can almost guarantee that Satan Himself sits on a throne of lies made from Fruitcakes. However, truth be told, I will never drink fruitcake.

The Truth:

Just in time for Christmas, MOUNTAIN DEW in fruitcake flavor has been sighted on store shelves.  It’s now official. The end is nigh.

By November, Mountain Dew’s “Fruit Quake” should be available everywhere. It will be ready to infect everyone with its “artificial fruitcake flavor,” according to the label.

Mountain Dew Holiday:

This isn’t the first attempt at a holiday flavor for the Dew. Who could forget the classic “Holiday Brew”?  It was a combination of Mountain Dew normal and Mountain Dew Code Red the two were combined since green and red are the colors of Christmas. Duh!

Then there was “Merry Mash-Up,” a cranberry-pomegranate soda. The previous one was dubbed “Gingerbread Snap’d” as well. Gross.

Fruit Feedback:

The feedback on the Fruit Quake flavor has been inconsistent thus far. Some individuals adore it. Really? Well, some people liked George Clooney as Batman. Doesn’t make them right now does it?