Here’s what Your Thanksgiving Main Course Should Be…

So, is turkey really so pricy, or are we dealing with a conspiracy surrounding turkey? Remember how some senators argued against the approval of the turkey price increases and accused the poultry business of aggressive price-loop fixing?

I once saw the headline, so it must be true. The interesting thing is that when I went to the store, turkey seemed to be the same price, or was it? Now, if you really want a cheap turkey, you’ll have to go out and kill one yourself. In fact, getting a permit to do so will cost you far less than buying a dead turkey from the supermarket.

Oh, you’re right. Killing stuff is terrible. No one wants it on their hands, moreover, it’s disgusting and bloody. But I do have a solution for you if you’d like beautiful toasty meat in time for the holidays.


In fact, there are instances when I prefer ham to the turkey itself when it comes to holidays. Additionally, no feathers are used. You only need to look at the little pig on his face to understand… Dammit. Why must that pig be so adorable? Okay. Now what? Is that a hotdog?

Oh wow, I sure do enjoy slapping a hot dog with some serious force between some nice, toasted buns. Now you’ve got yourself a Thanksgiving. Because hotdogs contain a variety of meat, it’s perfect when you can’t choose what meat to eat!

Wait a moment Actually, I have no idea what’s in a hot dog. Do you? Okay, scrap the hotdog notion. We’ll probably choose something a little bit healthier, like tofu. Oh sure, tofu packed with a variety of healthy ingredients, like… tofu!
Actually, I don’t know what Tofu actually is either.  Wait while I look that up…


Okay. I’m back. Wow, there’s a lot of estrogen in there. Now I know why these Hallmark advertisements have been making me cry.
I’m a man and I live with women. I don’t believe I currently require any additional estrogen. Man, this Thanksgiving stuff is harder than I thought.

As of now, we crossed out the pricey and bloodied turkey. Additionally, we removed the ham because, well, ham is cute. Currently, we also cut out the hot dog because nobody knows what the hell that is. Plus, the Tofu is… Tofu.

This raises a puzzling query for me. How in the world am I going to eat this Thanksgiving? Wait! I got it!! Of course, sides!! Thanksgiving dinner sides are loved by all. There are corn and bread buns! I do adore corn because it has juice! (love that song) Then there are the pies and the cranberry sauce too!  Also, that pink stuff.  I’m not really aware of what that stuff is but the girls like it so it stays.

Right now, stovetop stuffing sounds quite wonderful, but then again I’m only eating carbs. I suppose I should be grateful for carbohydrates this year. Wait… Grateful! That’s it! That’s the answer to all of it!

It doesn’t matter what I’m eating or who I’m eating it with. It’s about being grateful for everything. So my point is… make your main course gratitude this holiday and every day. It may just fill up your soul.

Pics From Previous Macy’s Thankgiving Day Parades: