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Here’s What Your Thanksgiving Main Course Should Be

Author Budman
November 7th, 2022 2:11 PM

Here’s what Your Thanksgiving Main Course Should Be…

So, is turkey really so pricy, or are we dealing with a conspiracy surrounding turkey? Remember how some senators argued against the approval of the turkey price increases and accused the poultry business of aggressive price-loop fixing?

I once saw the headline, so it must be true. The interesting thing is that when I went to the store, turkey seemed to be the same price, or was it? Now, if you really want a cheap turkey, you’ll have to go out and kill one yourself. In fact, getting a permit to do so will cost you far less than buying a dead turkey from the supermarket.

Oh, you’re right. Killing stuff is terrible. No one wants it on their hands, moreover, it’s disgusting and bloody. But I do have a solution for you if you’d like beautiful toasty meat in time for the holidays.

Ham!

In fact, there are instances when I prefer ham to the turkey itself when it comes to holidays. Additionally, no feathers are used. You only need to look at the little pig on his face to understand… Dammit. Why must that pig be so adorable? Okay. Now what? Is that a hotdog?

Oh wow, I sure do enjoy slapping a hot dog with some serious force between some nice, toasted buns. Now you’ve got yourself a Thanksgiving. Because hotdogs contain a variety of meat, it’s perfect when you can’t choose what meat to eat!

Wait a moment Actually, I have no idea what’s in a hot dog. Do you? Okay, scrap the hotdog notion. We’ll probably choose something a little bit healthier, like tofu. Oh sure, tofu packed with a variety of healthy ingredients, like… tofu!
Actually, I don’t know what Tofu actually is either.  Wait while I look that up…

 

Okay. I’m back. Wow, there’s a lot of estrogen in there. Now I know why these Hallmark advertisements have been making me cry.
I’m a man and I live with women. I don’t believe I currently require any additional estrogen. Man, this Thanksgiving stuff is harder than I thought.

As of now, we crossed out the pricey and bloodied turkey. Additionally, we removed the ham because, well, ham is cute. Currently, we also cut out the hot dog because nobody knows what the hell that is. Plus, the Tofu is… Tofu.

This raises a puzzling query for me. How in the world am I going to eat this Thanksgiving? Wait! I got it!! Of course, sides!! Thanksgiving dinner sides are loved by all. There are corn and bread buns! I do adore corn because it has juice! (love that song) Then there are the pies and the cranberry sauce too!  Also, that pink stuff.  I’m not really aware of what that stuff is but the girls like it so it stays.

Right now, stovetop stuffing sounds quite wonderful, but then again I’m only eating carbs. I suppose I should be grateful for carbohydrates this year. Wait… Grateful! That’s it! That’s the answer to all of it!

It doesn’t matter what I’m eating or who I’m eating it with. It’s about being grateful for everything. So my point is… make your main course gratitude this holiday and every day. It may just fill up your soul.

Pics From Previous Macy’s Thankgiving Day Parades:

  • Red Mighty Morphin Power Ranger Balloon Takes Flight At The 89th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 26: As one of the largest balloons, the Red Mighty Morphin Power Ranger soars through the streets of New York City at the 89th annual Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade, Thursday, November 26, 2015. (Photo by Brad Barket/Getty Images for Saban Brands)

  • Crowds Gather For Macy’s Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 22: The Rabit balloon by artist Jeff Koons floats in Times Square during the 81st annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 22, 2007 in New York City. (Photo by Hiroko Masuike/Getty Images)

  • The World-Famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade® Kicks Off The Holiday Season For Millions Of Television Viewers Watching Safely At Home

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    NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 26: A view of the Boss Baby float at the 94th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® on November 26, 2020 in New York City. The World-Famous Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® kicks off the holiday season for millions of television viewers watching safely at home. (Photo by Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Macy's Inc.)

  • The World-Famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade® Kicks Off The Holiday Season For Millions Of Television Viewers Watching Safely At Home

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    NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 24: Ally Brooke appears on the Blue's Clues & You! float at the 94th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® on November 24, 2020 in New York City. The World-Famous Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® kicks off the holiday season for millions of television viewers watching safely at home on November 26, 2020. (Photo by Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Macy's, Inc.)

  • Macy’s Unveils New Giant Character Balloons For The 95th Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade®

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    NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 13: Macy's unveils new giant character balloons for the 95th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® on November 13, 2021 in New York City. Soaring into NYC is a Funko Pop! inspired Grogu™ (a.k.a. Baby Yoda in pop culture), from the beloved Star Wars™ series The Mandalorian™. (Photo by Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Macy's, Inc.)

  • Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 28: The Barney balloon is carried past Macy's department store during the 76th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade November 28, 2002 in New York City. There were a total of 13 giant character balloons in the parade. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

  • Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloons Inflated

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 26: A giant Kermit the Frog balloon is inflated with helium in preparation for the 77th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade November 26, 2003 in New York City. The parade will feature 15 giant character balloons and 17 novelty balloons. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

  • Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Fills Streets Of New York

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 25: Onlookers watch from a balcony as a Chicken Little balloon floats down Broadway during the 78th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade November 25, 2004 in New York City. Thousands attended the parade which featured 15 giant character balloons and 27 floats. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

  • Crowds Gather For Macy’s Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 22: The Mr. Potato balloon floats during the 81st annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade at Times Square on November 22, 2007 in New York City. (Photo by Hiroko Masuike/Getty Images)

  • Macy’s Hosts Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 27: Parade participants guide a SpongeBob SquarePants float at the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 27, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Yana Paskova/Getty Images)

  • 91st Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 23: The Ice Age Scrat balloon floats down Central Park West during the 91st Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 22, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

  • The World-Famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade® Kicks Off The Holiday Season For Millions Of Television Viewers Watching Safely At Home

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    NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 25: Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty and Chrysler Building mascots line up to march in the 94th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® on November 25, 2020 in New York City. The World-Famous Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® kicks off the holiday season for millions of television viewers watching safely at home on November 26, 2020. (Photo by Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Macy's, Inc.)

  • Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Delights Spectators In NYC

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 27: The Pillsbury Doughboy balloon floats on Sixth Avenue during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 27, 2014 in New York City. The annual tradition marks the start of the holiday season. (Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images)

  • Plymouth Hosts Thanksgiving Parade

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    PLYMOUTH, MA - NOVEMBER 20: A giant inflatable turkey, patriotically dressed as Uncle Sam, makes its way down main street during the annual Thanksgiving Parade November 20, 2004 in Plymouth, Massachusetts. The parade, part of a weekend of holiday festivities called "America's Hometown Celebration," commemorates the Plymouth Colony's first Thanksgiving feast of 1621. (Photo by Michael Springer/Getty Images)

  • 91st Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 23: The Dr. Seuss Grinch and Max balloon floats down Central Park West and into Columbus Circle during the 91st Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 22, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

  • The World-Famous Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade® Kicks Off The Holiday Season For Millions Of Television Viewers Watching Safely At Home

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    NEW YORK, NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 26: A view of the Red Titan balloon at the 94th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® on November 26, 2020 in New York City. The World-Famous Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade® kicks off the holiday season for millions of television viewers watching safely at home. (Photo by Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Macy's Inc.)

  • Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade Held In New York

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 23: The Charlie Brown balloon floats on 6th Ave. during the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on November 23, 2017 in New York City. The Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade is the largest parade in the world and has been held since 1924. (Photo by Stephanie Keith/Getty Images)

  • Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 28: The Ronald McDonald balloon makes his way through Times Square during the 76th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade November 28, 2002 in New York City. There were a total of 13 giant character balloons in the parade. (Photo by Mario Tama/Getty Images)

  • Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Delights Spectators In NYC

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 27: Santa Claus waves to the crowd during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 27, 2014 in New York City. The annual tradition marks the start of the holiday season. (Photo by Andrew Burton/Getty Images)

  • Macy’s Legendary Thanksgiving Day Parade Winds Through New York City

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 24: The Spiderman balloon makes its way through Times Square in Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade on November 24, 2011 in New York City. The 85th annual event is the second oldest Thanksgiving Day parade in the U.S. (Photo by Michael Nagle/Getty Images)

  • 91st Annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 23: The Olaf from 'Frozen' balloon floats down Central Park West during the 91st Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 23, 2017 in New York City. (Photo by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images)

  • Macy’s Hosts Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade

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    NEW YORK - NOVEMBER 27: Parade participants guide a turkey float at the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 27, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Yana Paskova/Getty Images)

 

 

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