In Fort Myers, Florida, it seems that even the toilet paper is not safe from the sticky fingers of porch pirates. Yes, you read that right. Someone stole not only the toilet paper, but also the paper towels and a speaker from Rosyln Bass’s porch. Talk about a clean getaway!
According to NBC2, Bass, who was comfortably lounging on her couch, was alerted to the crime by her trusty Ring doorbell camera. Upon checking the footage, she saw a strange man loitering on her porch not once, but twice. And what was he stealing? Not jewelry, not electronics, but plain old toilet paper and paper towels. The kind of things you’d expect to find in a public restroom, not on someone’s porch.
But the plot thickens. The stolen items weren’t even out in the open, just waiting to be snatched up. They were hidden away in a storage closet behind a door at the end of the porch. Clearly, this was a toilet paper heist of the highest order.
Bass has her suspicions about why this man would risk life and limb for some rolls of toilet paper. She believes that the recent hurricane damage has emboldened these porch pirates to strike at will. Perhaps the sight of fallen trees and damaged roofs has made them think, “Well, why not just grab some TP while we’re at it?”
Despite her shock at this crime, Bass is determined to catch the culprit. She’s even enlisted the help of Crime Stoppers, urging anyone with information to come forward. And who knows? Maybe this toilet paper thief will turn out to be the “butt” of a joke. But for now, the residents of Fort Myers will be keeping a close eye on their precious bathroom supplies.