Alright, Somebody, somewhere… Just dropped nearly $90,000 on a stale Cheeto. Not just any Cheeto, though. This one apparently looks like Charizard.
Now, I sit here, looking at my collection of comic books, action figures, and limited-edition trading cards, wondering where I went wrong. Because I thought I was deep in the collector’s game. But nope, there’s a whole other level out there where people are throwing down more cash on a spicy, oddly shaped corn puff than most people will see in a year.
Let’s break this down. According to CNN, the Cheeto, affectionately (and ridiculously) named “Cheetozard,” was slapped onto a custom Pokémon card, boxed up like it’s a damn trophy, and then auctioned off for almost 90 grand. And people fought over it! Bidding started at $250—reasonable for some weirdos—but then it skyrocketed into five figures. Five figures! For a snack that, in any normal scenario, would’ve been inhaled with a can of Mountain Dew at 2 AM.
That's One Expensive Cheeto:
It gets better. The seller wasn’t some Pokémon superfan who stumbled upon this rare gem in a bag of Flamin’ Hots. No, a sports memorabilia company had been holding onto it since somewhere between 2018 and 2022. Just… keeping it safe, like some kind of crunchy, cheese-dusted national treasure. Then social media got hold of it, and suddenly, people lost their minds. Someone out there just had to own a Cheeto that vaguely looks like a dragon from a cartoon.
(Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images for Cheetos)And before you start thinking this is some new kind of stupidity, let’s not forget that a (gorilla) Harambe-shaped Cheeto sold for six figures back in 2017. This is a pattern. We are living in an era where snack food is apparently a viable investment. And to think that Marija thought I was strange with my comics and little man toys...
What am I doing with my life? Am I playing the wrong game? Should I just be buying bags of Cheetos and inspecting them like an archaeologist? I mean, at this point, it sounds like a smarter move than keeping my action figures in the box.
So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to buy some Cheetos. Retirement plan starts now.
