Crumbl Made Me Do It: A Reese’s Cookie Relapse

Thanks Crumbl. Really.. Okay, so I just got done telling the world (and by "the world," I mean you my dear readers.) about my long, painful battle with Reese’s addiction. It had been strong for a good stretch. I resisted for a while until that unholy creation—Reese’s Peanut Butter and Jelly Cups came along—and boom. I was on the floor, shaking, twitching, and licking chocolate off my fingers like Gollum with a sugar problem.

But after that,  I got back up. I said, “That’s it! No more sugar! This is the end!” I stood tall. Proud. Diabetic, but proud. And then… Crumbl Cookie rolled into town.

This week? A Reese’s Peanut Butter Cookie. You heard me. A cookie made with Reese’s peanut butter, topped with literal chunks of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. It’s like they looked at my medical chart, laughed, and said, “Let’s test this man’s willpower.”

To make matters worse, I didn’t even find out the normal way. I overheard my daughter whispering to her mom about it like it was classified intel. “It’s soooo good,” she said. And that was it. My brain shut down. The cravings took over. I started plotting.

Again, I couldn’t risk being seen. Everyone knows I’m supposed to be off sugar. If Marija caught wind of this, I’d have to sit through a very long reprimand. So, I did what any grown man would do—I put on a DISGUISE. Fake nose, mustache, you know, the whole “don’t look at me, I’m not about to be bad” getup.

I slipped into Crumbl like a ninja and hit the kiosk. The less human interaction the better. So I ordered—two cookies, one for me, one to bribe my family. Five minutes later, I was in my car, peeling that pink box open like a madman.

Y’all. That cookie? AMAZING. It was warm, gooey, peanut buttery, chocolatey madness. Like a Reese’s melted into a cookie and decided to change my life. I took one bite and said, “Welp Crumbl. Guess I’ll be Googling insulin prices later.”

And here’s the thing: I knew I was wrong. I knew I was weak. But in that moment? With that cookie in my hand and chocolate smeared across my soul? I felt...happy. Like, little kid happy. That kind of joy you don’t get often when you’re an adult juggling bills, parenting, and pretending to understand taxes.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not throwing in the towel. I’m not gonna turn into the Cookie Monster version of myself again (probably). But every now and then? Maybe life calls for a cookie that breaks the rules. Maybe, once in a while, the best thing for your spirit isn’t a salad or another lecture from your doctor… maybe it’s a dangerously good Crumbl cookie eaten in secret with the windows up and the seat reclined like you're hiding from the world.

So yeah, I fell off the wagon. But man… what a sweet landing.