Florida “Vacuum” Man Arrested After Getting Too Friendly With Appliance
Turns out there is a wrong way to vacuum and it’ll definitely land you in jail.
You know, marriage is all about compromise. My wife thinks compromise means I vacuum more, and I think compromise means I learn how to look busy while holding a vacuum but never actually using it correctly. It’s a delicate balance. Honestly, my go-to move whenever she asks me to vacuum is to suddenly act like I’ve never seen one before in my entire life.
“Wait… where’s the on button again?”
“Why is it making that noise?”
“Am I supposed to push it or pull it?”
And my personal favorite: “What exactly does this hose do, and why does it look like it belongs on a spaceship?”
Sure, it’s childish. Yes, it’s definitely stupid. But guess who rarely gets assigned vacuum duty? This guy.
Now listen — I may pretend I don’t understand how a vacuum works, but at least I know the basic rule: you use it on the FLOOR. Apparently, that guideline isn’t as obvious to everyone.
Authorities say a 51-year-old man was arrested after allegedly engaging in what deputies described as a “sexual performance with a vacuum cleaner” at a gated resort community near Disney World. Yes… a vacuum cleaner. Not a typo. Not a joke. A real appliance that most of us only drag out when company is coming over.
According to the Smoking Gun, a Florida man took “not knowing how to vacuum” to a level that I can only describe as deeply confusing and wildly unnecessary.
Vacuum Video:
Witnesses even provided statements and cellphone video showing the man partially clothed while getting way too friendly with the household cleaning device.
After investigating, police identified the man as Kevin Dale Westerhold, who reportedly owns condos at the resort with his wife and rents them out through Airbnb. Authorities also believe there may have been several other incidents of indecent exposure connected to him at the property.
He was later arrested at his home about 35 miles away and charged with exposure of sexual organs, a misdemeanor, before being booked into county jail on a $2,500 bond.
And look.. I understand there are plenty of wrong ways to vacuum. Trust me, I’ve perfected most of them. Missing crumbs? That’s my specialty. Vacuum lines crooked? Absolutely. Accidentally sucking up a sock? Happens all the time.
But I can promise you this, ladies and gentlemen…
I have NEVER used the vacuum like THAT.
Suddenly pretending I don’t know how to vacuum feels like a very reasonable life strategy.
In fact, after hearing this story, I plan to double down on my incompetence.
From now on, if my wife asks me to vacuum, I’m just going to stare at it and whisper, “Honestly… I don’t trust that thing.”
