We’ve all heard of the Florida Man, but now there’s a Florida Woman.  She was arrested outside of a Publix with a pitchfork and a whip, in Lake County, Florida.

According to ClickOrlando.com, Lisa Slone, a 56 year old female, was arrested and faces aggravated assault charges.  She is accused of waving a pitchfork and black whip back and forth in front of a Publix.

The manager of the store told deputies in Lake County that she was trying to sell teddy bears (What?) behind a Publix in Minneola earlier in the day.  He went on to tell troopers that she used the pitchfork to stab a minivan.  The owner of the vehicle denied police intervention and said he would pay for damages on his own.

Sounds like he might have known her?  I don’t know why you would offer to pay for damages otherwise.  And who has a pitchfork at Publix while selling teddy bears?  You can’t make this stuff up!

Sloan was placed into a police vehicle and proceeded to kick the windows of the vehicle.  Reports say it was clear she was under the influence.  According to the police report, after being asked about her cut marks and bruises, Slone said she “felt no pain anymore and that God was in control.”

What was she doing with the whip?  Why doesn’t anyone tell us what she was doing with the whip?