Halsey Wonders ‘If I Chose The Wrong Life For Myself’

Halsey is experiencing a "deep sadness" while reflecting on the last decade of their life. A week before the "New Americana" singer is set to celebrate their 28th birthday, they penned a message on Instagram Stories, admitting that despite their fame and success, they question if they made the right decision.

Per E! News, Halsey wrote, "I find that often there is a deep sadness inside me that no amount of worldly pleasure can touch, a loneliness, an emptiness. I wonder often if I chose the wrong life for myself. And the weight of it is suffocating. I'm sorry that melancholy has penetrated my art in a way that hasn't served a greater purpose other than my own self loathing."

Halsey then wrote that as she approaches her birthday, she is "just now exhaling and gasping for air for the first time since I took a single breath in this new life at 18. A breath that was meant to sustain me for a decade. I am wandering lawlessly and I hope to find my way somewhere meaningful soon so that I can give you the [guys] I've always known to scoop heapings of into your ears. They are shriveling lately. If you cannot be kind, at least be gentle. With love."

As we previously reported, Halsey was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Sjogren’s syndrome, mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS).

“Obviously my health has changed a lot since I got pregnant and gave birth,” the singer, who welcomed baby Ender with boyfriend Alev Aydin in July, wrote in May. “I started getting really, really, really, sick. I’ve been kind of sick pretty much most of my adult life, but it started getting really bad. I was hospitalized for anaphylaxis a few times and I had some other stuff going on.”

“I’m still looking for answers to the root cause of some of these things,” they said. “It could potentially be another type of autoimmune disease. And I’ve known I’ve had autoimmune issues for most of my life, especially having endometriosis. But, you know, it’s kind of been exasperated since I’ve had Ender.”

Halsey's highly anticipated fourth studio album produced by Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross with special guest Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl has arrived! It dropped at midnight and the thirteen-track album immediately sent Halsey fans in a tizzy, so we found our favorite reactions that sum up the If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power experience.

Here is the entire tracklist:
1. The Tradition
2. Bells in Santa Fe
3. Easier than Lying
4. Lilith
5. Girl is a Gun
6. You asked for this
7. Darling
8. 1121
9. honey
10. Whispers
11. I am not a woman, I’m a god
12. The Lighthouse
13. Ya’aburnee

This fan called the album "such an experience," adding that If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power is, "ALBUM OF THE YEAR LADIES AND GENTLEMEN."

This fan's side by side of Halsey's "Young God" from Badlands to "I am not a woman, I'm a god" from If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power is a perfect level up.

This fan summed up their album ranking quite simply -- every song is a #1 in their book.

This fan called If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power Halsey's "best album for sure,the vocals the melody the lyrics, everything about this album is just perfect, a solid 9.5/10."

"ITS SO GOOD FOR NO REASON," this Twitter user added.