Not-So-Sweet Senior: Florida Man, 77, Caught Vandalizing Cars

You ever see an old senior man, all wrinkly and harmless-looking, and think, Aw, what a sweet grandpa? Yeah, well, meet Michael Cochran. This 77-year-old Collier County, Florida man looks like he should be feeding ducks at the park, not running around Isle of Capri like some senior citizen vigilante.

According to Gulf Coast News, Dude got caught smearing petroleum jelly on car door handles and stabbing tires. Tires! Not with a little pocket knife, either—sharp enough to rack up hundreds of dollars in damage per car. One poor soul came back from dinner to find $1,300 worth of "Michael's Revenge" on their ride. And this wasn't just a one-off senior moment. He was out there like it was his job, hitting multiple cars and racking up criminal mischief charges like he was trying to fill a punch card.

Now, Michael's defense? The Florida senior thought the cars were illegally parked on his property. And, oh yeah, he and his buddy were apparently "out killing cane toads" with sharp objects. First off, what kind of retirement hobby is cane toad hunting? Second, even if the cars were parked wrong, that doesn’t make it okay to go full Grand Theft Auto on someone’s Honda.

But here’s the thing: if this guy looked like a 25-year-old with tattoos and a bad haircut, we'd all be shaking our heads like, Typical. But because Michael looks like he should be complaining about gas prices at the diner, some folks want to give him a pass. He’s old. He’s probably harmless. He didn’t mean it. Nah, he meant it. He meant every jab of that tire-popping tool.

So, do we let sweet-looking old senior folks off the hook just because they remind us of our grandpa? Or do we hold everyone accountable, no matter how many birthdays they've celebrated? I’m all for respecting my elders, but if you’re out here acting like a petty crime boss, maybe you deserve more than just a “tsk tsk” and a slap on the wrist.